I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
