Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
