lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
