I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
