I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
