if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
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