Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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