She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
