i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
