shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
