i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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