RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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