Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
NoShamevember. You game?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
