the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I am spending my child support on dildos
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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