We're facebook friends in real life
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
