I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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