what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
