well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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