Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
