Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
