dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
