also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
