I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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