this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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