I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
