dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
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I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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