DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
