I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
