maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
