Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
