Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
