dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
