today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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