Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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