Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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