when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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