twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Randomize
