There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
