yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I feel like abortions should bother me more
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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