evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
