I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
