Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
