dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
