the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
