my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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