The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Hippo gnu deer
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
