My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
