Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
