just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
