they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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