the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
