He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
