How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
