Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
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What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
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I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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