My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
