You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We had sex on a dog bed..
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
