I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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