well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
