Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
