What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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