She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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