Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
