Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
