you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Someone shit on the floor
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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