Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
