I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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