so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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