I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
