i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
