She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
