I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
