I just pynch a tree in the face
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
