OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
