saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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