soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
