you would pick up someone in the library
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Can I color on your dick again?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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