he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
