when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
