She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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