Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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