Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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