I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
