wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
