We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
