i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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