I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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