dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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