Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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