and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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