yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
