we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
