so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize