My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
