i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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