Kiss
Puke
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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