guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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